


Legume Lost, Family Found

by Helpless_Skippy



Category: Baby Nut - Fandom, Brand Mafia, Kool-Aid "Kool-Aid Man" Commercials, Mr. Clean - Fandom, Mr. Peanut - Fandom, Planters "Mr. Peanut" Commercials
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Crack, Crack Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26234602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helpless_Skippy/pseuds/Helpless_Skippy
Summary: Following the tragic passing of Mr. Peanut, the Brand Familia gathers for his funeral. A young newcomer, Uno, tags along, hoping to find his chance to rise through the ranks and become the next Brand Leader.
Relationships: Uno & Kool-Aid Man, Uno & Mr. Clean, Uno & Mr. Peanut
Kudos: 5





	Legume Lost, Family Found

“Big brother…”

I whimpered as I watched him lowered into the ground. People around me cried. I could feel my deck shuffle with sadness. 

The preacher began his sermon. 

The crowd fell into silence. I glanced around. I saw the WeinerMobile parked on the street, but no sign of Oscar. Maybe he couldn’t handle it. I saw my other brothers leaning on each other, quietly sobbing. Of course, none of them were my real brothers. They were the big three, a family created by nothing more than circumstance and power. They ruled the world. And I was lucky enough to hang around.

Mr. Clean. He knew how to fix anything. If there was an accident or an “accident,” he was there. He kept the family safe, out of the prying eyes of those who wanted to see what happened on the inside.

Kool-Aid. He was the man who got things done. If you needed something, he was the man to get it for you. Of course, it never came cheap. But things that quick and that good rarely do.

“We gather here today to mourn the loss of Mr. Peanut. He was a great man, perhaps the greatest legume of them all. He was a family man. He cared more about all of you than he did his own life. I know if he were with us today, he wouldn’t want to see you all so sad. He’d expect a party, rejoicing for his life was great. He had a loving wife, supportive children, and a wonderful family. What more could a nut ask for?”

Mr. Peanut was the brains of the operation. I always wanted to be just like him when I grew up. He exuded a suave calmness at all times. When he walked in a room, you knew who was in charge. It was effortless. It was powerful. It was perfect.  
There was going to be a power vacuum now. The big brands will all rush to fill his shoes. Hell, even Clean and Kool-Aid will probably take a stab at the throne. After a respectful time, of course. As for me, I’m gonna just take it easy for a bit. Draw a +4 from the deck of life, get some more experience. I’ll probably poke around with the other brands, make sure my presence is felt, even if its in a subtle way. I just want people to know I exist. I don’t want to be skipped when it's my turn to join for real.

Sun broke through the clouds. I felt it’s warmth on my face, a cruel irony in this moment of cold sadness. But it had a peacefulness to it. Like everything was going to be okay. 

As the preacher finished his ceremony, I watched as Kool-Aid made his way towards the grave. I’ll never be totally sure what happened, but I do know that Kool Aid stumbled. Maybe it was a play from Clean to make him look weak. Make it was a grief-stricken mistake. Maybe it was just too much to bear. But in that stumble, some of Kool-Aid spilled.

It’s been a long time debate amongst us underlings as to what Kool-Aid is. Is he the glass? Is he the liquid? What is the liquid? My money is on blood. We all know he’s killed more than his share of men. Either way, whatever is in that pitcher of his must be something special because it did wonderous things.

A single dropped landed on the Mr. Peanut’s grave. And in that instant, it sprouted. In that instant, it bloomed. I’ve never seen a plant grow so quickly, let alone so perfectly. Part of me wonders if it was Mr. Peanuts lust for life that brought him back. He just needed that extra bit to push him over. Sort of like that movie, with the dismembered dude in the floorboards.

The crazy thing is that what bloomed wasn’t no flower. It was Mr. Peanut. But not like the Mr. Peanut I knew. It was like his whole situation got reversed and he came back as a baby. Because that’s what happened. 

We all watched in stunned silence. Mr. Peanuts bodyguard reached down and picked him up. Mr. Peanut cooed. He cooed. Like a baby. We were all stunned.

Then he made dolphin noises. I felt my hand dwindling in excitement. Then he spoke.

“Just kidding. I’m back.”

Those four words sent shivers down my spine. The joy I felt was immeasurable. The family would be whole, no power vacuum would exist. Clean and Kool Aid wouldn’t have to vie for power. And then a more exciting thought hit me.  
For once, I would be the big brother.

Uno was going to help steer the growth of this baby nut and this family.


End file.
